Carrots

Two carrots sitting on black marble table top

Yes Carrots. No that is not me swearing about something. Although ‘carrots’ might be a new swear word (curse word) in my life going forward. Hilariously funny, wonderfully petulant, satisfyingly perturbed – carrots now feature in my life as as one of those little stories that is worth hanging onto. Who would have known!

My vegetables didn’t do well at all last year. I did get some spinach and rocket and it was lovely. Most other things…meh. Probably due to me not being Monty Dom. Probably a little due to a weird late spring. Was I bothered? Not at all! It can be more expensive to grow veg, the shops had food in them and I didn’t go without. Was my neighbour, someone I thought was a fellow excited veg grower, bothered? It seems so.

Me when my veg actually grows
Him saying ‘well done’,…,not

I got a text from him. It was nice enough. He wanted to use my raised beds if I wasn’t going to. Of course I am going to. I like gardening. I should caveat that by saying I like some gardening. I am not a gardener but I like growing things. It is quite satisfying and fills me with joy when I skip out into the garden and cut some spinach off for my curry. Or some rocket for my salad. I skip back in and eat it in a more satisfied, I grew that way, than when I have bought a packet of spinach that lasts only one day.

So I politely declined his lovely offer of utilising my raised beds. This was clearly not the correct answer. What happened next is so shocking and so funny that I don’t quite know how to write it on paper. You may be shocked. You may be upset. You may laugh at me. You may laugh at him. Either or, or any of these, ways – here goes.

I got a lecture on using my raised beds to their full. They apparently shouldn’t be wasted in the current climate. Fine…but not really fine. Its two raised beds…not exactly contributing to a war effort here. Tesco’s is not far away. They have food. I can, however, take that one on the chin; roll with the punches. But I got KO’d for my carrots. Apparently I wasted the whole lot last year.

I did chuck them out. But here is the thing. Are carrots actually carrots if they haven’t grown into carrots? My carrots resembled little stumps rather than carrots. Here is another thing. If they are unceremoniously tossed on the compost heap are they wasted? My neighbour and myself seem to disagree on the definition of wasted. Oh well (I wrote that in a very sarcastic sounding voice).

The texts descended into an argument, the argument descended into what might be described as some akin to a feud. Over CARROTS! Yes, you are welcome! Mull it over for a while…come to your own conclusion on this one. All assessments of the situation are valid.

Unfortunately my work colleagues won’t ever let this one go. Having been witness to the whole thing by text and phone they have now taken on the view that I am a SHIT gardener and my CARROTS are rubbish. This has led to lots of laughing at work. Because it is true :-).

I had all my vegetable seeds ready for this year. Before the garden argument happened. I didn’t have carrots in that mix.

I do now.

Those carrots are getting planted today.

15 thoughts on “Carrots

  1. This was hilarious! Some people (your neighbour being one of them) are truly ridiculous! And definitely give us moments of laughter for that very reason, although it can definitely border on extremely annoying too!
    Go plant those carrots, and be proud of doing so! πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A cantankerous carrot feud. He’s a jerk! It’s your garden and if you choose to put garden statues there instead of veggies, it’s not his call. Maybe you should freak him out a bit and plant some purple carrots. They’re weird looking and delicious.

    Liked by 1 person

          1. In that case, you can buy some orange carrots, spray paint them purple, and then stick them in the ground under the cloak of darkness. Then, when he’s looking, pull that purple carrot from the ground. πŸ˜€

            Liked by 1 person

  3. So you do have an asshole neighbor! Ha, and this is too funny, because I do love people telling me how I should live my life…..NOT. Sarcasm intended, you do what you want to with your vegetables. And a huge fuck off to your neighbor (from me of course). πŸ˜ŽπŸ€£πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He can be…but at other times can be lovely. Some people are just too tiring especially when they don’t like the word no. Haha to be fair I got to the point where that was my two word response in text…it may not have helped the situation πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚…thanks for adding yours too 😊😊

      Liked by 1 person

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