Today I feel like a right cow….a bit of a bitch… a bad person. The thing is I also feel a little justified in thinking like this. Its not even a struggle.
But….I am now distracted by the colloquial (it must be!) way of describing being horrible. Its such a natural phrase “she was being a right cow” “a right mare” – almost nicer than being a bitch. All animal related (WTF?). All quite friendly animals (WTF?). It now makes no sense as a phrase.
Ok an amendment to my title – I feel like I am being an ickle bit horrible. It seems my ability to distract myself with meaningless, in my head, conversations has reduced the drama of my actions. Bonus (haha!).
I have a day off. I have been relaxingly moping around all morning. A long lie (till 11.30am!!!!), coffee in my trackies, bare feet and a bit of reading. I have even given up on the idea of going to the gym and decided on a walk instead (to a coffee shop to sit and read). All of this I want to do on my own. Its not that I am not social. Its that I am not feeling social. I need my own time. I need my own plans. I don’t need the neediness of anyone else today.
I am now going for coffee with my mate. My face is rather grumpy at the thought. I sound like a right cow. I know it. The phone conversation went like this.
him: “Are you going to the gym today?”
me: “nope I can not be arsed. I will go tomorrow. Today I just want to head along to Stockbridge and read my book whilst having a coffee.”
him: “I haven’t been well” [overly dramatic assessment of current state].
me: “eat properly then”.
him: “you know I can miss the gym too as a coffee would be nice. I will give you a knock when I am home to head out”.
me: [internal groan]….”ok”. [Internal voice – you stupid bloody cow!]….[pause]…[Internal voice – why is cow used in so many phrases?]
I can moo all I like
This serves me right. I should have just said…actually what could I have said?!
So…I am now sat in a coffee shop. With a bloody book, a toasty and a cappuccino. I rebelled and didn’t wait on him getting home and knocking on my bloody door. I was hungry and why should I wait to carry out my own plan. For my own time. For my me time! Why am I currently shouting these words at the screen? Well its because I am being a right moody mare…a right cow.
He is a good friend. He is definitely more needy socially than I am. But what, in all honesty, is wrong with him wanting to come for coffee? He doesn’t get the happy being on your own reading and having coffee type state of affairs. So I can be a cow all I like but if I don’t explain this to him (it would be like kicking a puppy) then it is actually my own fault. Hmphh!
So with a slight bit of rebellion (15 minutes of my own coffee / book time) he appeared.
Get over it
What was the worst that could happen (apart from my moody face)? We had a giggle. We also went to the pub and had a wine after our coffees. He is a mate. He does tend to dominate the conversation with only things about himself but…not in a bad way. He is a mate.
Anyway. Its done now. I am justified in being a cow. I am also not justified in being a cow. I would prefer to find another phrase rather than an animal in relation to being a little horrible. Oh what the hell – I am going to have a glass of wine and ignore anyone else who tries to phone me, contact me, email me, annoy me….unless I like them ;-)…for the rest of the evening!